shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I party with great urgency now.
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