Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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