The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
