Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
