Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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