Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize