Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
