insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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