Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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