the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hello my rib-scented angel!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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