Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
