Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
FUCK WHALES
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
