I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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