A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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