he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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