he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
