I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
