do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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