I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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