I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
