I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
