Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize