Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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