i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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