so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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