I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
