STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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