Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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