I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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