I accidentally burped into my bong.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
