Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
