we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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