Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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