She said her name was "party"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
