Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
