Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
