I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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