Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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