I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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