The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Randomize
