never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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