He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
