Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
