Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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