I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
