1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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