you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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