We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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