Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
