forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
