so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
