Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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