He uses pillows to masturbate.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
