remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
