I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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