Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
