I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Please don't give away my fajitas
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
