Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
