Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
