took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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