If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
