i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
