CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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