it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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