Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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