dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
