Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans? (269): Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass. http://tfl.nu/u35z
  Replies (13) Good night (2602) Bad night (905)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions. http://tfl.nu/lybr
  Replies (54) Good night (885) Bad night (1664)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants http://tfl.nu/j8mk
  Replies (8) Good night (1097) Bad night (5361)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs http://tfl.nu/0f09
  Replies (20) Good night (11710) Bad night (1566)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  17 year olds will be the death of me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): 17 year olds will be the death of me. http://tfl.nu/j3yc
  Replies (36) Good night (3870) Bad night (2953)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/iiov
  Replies (5) Good night (3776) Bad night (1003)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now http://tfl.nu/qqu5
  Replies (16) Good night (2434) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird. http://tfl.nu/n9dq
  Replies (17) Good night (4927) Bad night (1312)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line http://tfl.nu/4yuv
  Replies (2) Good night (1714) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too http://tfl.nu/f6yj
  Replies (7) Good night (896) Bad night (2749)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30. http://tfl.nu/fgkn
  Replies (13) Good night (859) Bad night (1278)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing. http://tfl.nu/45r1
  Replies (1) Good night (1016) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it http://tfl.nu/xr2p
  Replies (2) Good night (452) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer. http://tfl.nu/j569
  Replies (3) Good night (787) Bad night (366)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again... http://tfl.nu/jopn
  Replies (4) Good night (516) Bad night (671)

Randomize